'[I] pretend I'm a wrestler walking into Wrestlemania': Top 30 Surprising Secret Confessions of the Week (July 6, 2023)

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jul 6, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

You will never believe the situations these people got themselves into. 

Sometimes in life, you end up in situations you could never explain your way out of. If you tried to, you know everyone around you would act like you were crazy. Usually, we'll just keep these incidents to ourselves. But many people also choose to share their more memorable secret moments with @fesshole, a popular Twitter account based in the UK. 

These confessions often make me glad I don't have kids. For example, one parent admitted to stealing all the chocolate from their kids' advent calendars, then blaming it on the dog, ripped up box and all. That's a lot of effort to put in just to gain a few pieces of chocolate. 

Some of the confessions aren't just funny, but sometimes end up being heartbreaking. One person admitted to finding an old flame had put her house up on Airbnb. This person booked a few days at the place just to reminisce about the past. "Makes me happy and sad," the person wrote, noting that they'd both moved on. With the popularity of Airbnb, I'm sure this dude isn't the only one who's booked a place just to have access to some nostalgic memories. 

Check out these 30 confessions below. Next up, these people couldn't resist having a little fun with statues, and they've got the hilarious photos to prove it. 

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  • 01
    Rectangle - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I work in a large company and every week a leaving card is passed around the office it seems. 9/101 don't know or care who they are. I always write - "Thanks for the memories, especially that time in 2019. Colin". I'm not called Colin.
    via Kasia Sikorska on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole His confession really but my friend said he'd broken his phone and to call him on a different number. The next time I saw him he explained that he'd seen an article that said "fully recharge your phone by putting it in the microwave for two minutes". He begged me never to tell.
    via @fesshole
  • 03
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Once saw a documentary item on how damaging to the paintwork of a car dried chewing gum is. Ever since, when riding a bike and chewing gum, my inner class warrior has me finding a parked SUV or sports car to spit it out on as I pass by.
    via @fesshole
  • 04
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole On more than one occasion when dieting I've eaten the chocolate from the kids advent calendars, ripped the box up and left it on the floor and blamed the dog.
    via @fesshole
  • 05
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My husband has a penchant for ludicrously expensive boxers which can't be washed at more than thirty degrees or tumble-dried. The frequency with which he has to replace mysteriously de- elasticated pants correlates directly to how frequently he pies me off.
    via @fesshole
  • 06
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Since my dog was a puppy, I've hidden a dog treat in her mail order food delivery parcel for her to find. She loves it and now expects a treat in every parcel we receive. I've completely buckled and play along every time. It's my own fault, but the dog is living her best life.
    via @fesshole
  • 07
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... Every year when it's our birthdays, my Mum puts a happy bday post on Facebook for me and my sister. I always check to see which post gets more likes, and am currently on a four year winning streak, obviously demonstrating that I'm the more popular child. I'm a fully grown adult.
    via @fesshole
  • 08
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I work as a driver and always have Spotify on shuffle. About a month ago I added the Mario Kart star man / invincibility theme, and for 30 seconds every day, and completely randomly, I get the chance to drive like a psycho.
    via @fesshole
  • 09
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My boss is a bit dyslexic. So if I need to influence him one way or the other, or "manage upwards", I'll write long-winded messages, with lots of sub- clauses and over-complicated vocabulary, knowing he'll just tell me to deal with it.
    via @fesshole
  • 10
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... Sometimes when I get home I wait outside the front door to make sure I'm connected to the WiFi so I can load up a 90s WWF theme and cast it through the Google speaker. I then enter my house an pretend I'm a wrestler walking into Wrestlemania.
    via @fesshole
  • 11
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I fancy a man in my amateur dramatics group and always try to play opposite him. We're about to kiss on stage for the third time in as many musicals. I don't know how he feels but I really hope neither of our partners are getting fed up of this.
    via @fesshole
  • 12
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I have just eaten half a large tub of ready-to-dollop cake frosting because there wasn't anything else sweet in the cupboard. I can feel it sitting in my stomach like the rubbery skin atop rice pudding. I'd do it again.
    via @fesshole
  • 13
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I have a favourite mug of my football team that I use all the time. However if my team lose I won't use it and leave it in the cupboard as a form of punishment
    via @fesshole
  • 14
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole .... An ex GF's childhood home is now an AirBnB. The family moved away in our late teens. I still miss her but we've both moved on. I booked a weekend at the house, just to reminisce. The furniture is all different of course but some of the decor is the same. Made me sad and happy.
    via @fesshole
  • 15
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole After I got my drivers license I figured out what numbers in the license number referred to my date of birth. I edited them when filling out applications for the 18-25 rail card and managed to get cheaper train travel well after I was 25.
    via @fesshole
  • 16
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I'm a huge fan of Avril Lavigne, but am a 40 year old straight man with no kids. Wanted to see her live for years but am too embarrassed to ask anyone to go with me, and going alone would be incredibly awkward and tragic
    via @fesshole
  • 17
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole In Teams meetings I play Guess Who with a colleague. We use text to send our guesses. It makes the high powered meeting far more interesting. Are they wearing glasses? Is their shirt blue? Did you send them a Valentines card last year?
    via @fesshole
  • 18
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole When I sold my house I had large fences put in as a good selling point to add privacy to the garden. The buyers faffed about throughout the process so when it sold I reported the fences to the council for being too tall. Drove by a few weeks later and they had been taken down.
    via @fesshole
  • 19
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole .... As a child and until fairly recently I thought that petrol stations were located where they'd found oil.
    via @fesshole
  • 20
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I work as a car salesman, if you don't pay for any extras I'll deliberately delay you getting your car, and just give you a bad experience in general for being tight
    via @fesshole
  • 21
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I got a tattoo on my arm in January and my dad still doesn't know about it. He hates them, says they look like dirt. I'm too afraid to show him so I've been wearing long sleeves all the time, even in the current heatwave. I'm prepared to do this for the rest of my life. I'm 31.
    via @fesshole
  • 22
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Back in 1998. There was a gnome craze in our town. We drove around early hours of the morning stealing gnomes. We put them all in one persons garden. We saw an advert in our local paper a few days later asking for people to claim them back.
    via @fesshole
  • 23
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I work in a large company and every week a leaving card is passed around the office it seems. 9/10 1 don't know or care who they are. I always write - "Thanks for the memories, especially that time in 2019. Colin". I'm not called Colin.
    via @fesshole
  • 24
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole At one stage in life my family ordered so much pizza from the local Dominoes we nearly lived off it. It was so bad that after 2 weeks of giving up on them for "lent" the store rang us to see if we were OK. Huge wake up call
    via @fesshole
  • 25
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My landlady's a water conservation zealot. When she's home, I follow suit. Nodding along as she explains the umpteenth benefit of a two-minute shower. But when she's away? Laundry parties, dishwasher deep cleaning, and marathon showers. Ah, the flowing freedom of rebellion.
    via @fesshole
  • 26
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My ex girlfriend said to me if I grew a top knot she would leave me, I grew one and she didn't leave me, so I had to leave her
    via @fesshole
  • 27
    Product - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I worked for Starbucks for 10 years. If you've ever come in on your morning commute and been rude to a barista you've left with decaf coffee
    via @fesshole
  • 28
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Whenever I cross the road in traffic, I always put on a pronounced limp. I like to think it makes the drivers who stopped to let me cross, feel good about themselves.
    via @fesshole
  • 29
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Just noticed recently that my boyfriend is pronouncing my name ever so slightly wrong. We've been together for six months. It's too late to correct him.
    via @fesshole
  • 30
    Organism - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole About 3 years ago I got put at risk for redundancy in a large company. As colleagues & mangers moved up or left I managed to completely phase myself out without anyone noticing and I'm still getting paid. I'm now enjoying being a house husband at the companies expense.
    via @fesshole
  • 31
    Font - FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Every year for Christmas me and my brothers chip in and get mum one of those big soap boxes from boots. She never uses it. So we've now just decided to keep wrapping up the same present every year. Hasn't complained once
    via @fesshole

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